If you know anything about training for a triathlon, you know that “bricking” plays an integral part of that training. For me it’s most important that I work on my transition from bike to run. The swim and run, for me, are the two strongest events. It’s the bike that has me freaked out and it’s the bike that I’ll be spending the most time. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been upping my miles each week with last week going 43 miles on Peppermint Patty. The entire time I kept thinking “how can I be on this bike for upwards of 4 hours and then run for another 2+ hours?”
You spend a lot of time in your head when you’re cycling for hours at a time. You try to keep your mind clear or think about other things like scenery or when to open your next packet of GU because (at least for me) it inevitably falls back to that reminder that I’m on Peppermint for a long time and after that I have to shuffle my feet in some semblance of running.
It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling the past few weeks trying to get this new job and Half Ironman training under way. Really struggling. So much so this might be the first time I’ve taken on a physical goal and actually felt like I’ve taken on more than I can proverbially chew. I’ve stood in the kitchen, looked Mimi in the eyes and the words “I feel like I should drop out” have honestly come from my lips. I’ve laid awake at night seriously debating whether this venture was too much and that maybe I’ve reached my physical limit. Not everyone was meant to be an Ironman and maybe that included me.
I’ve said “Go big or Go home: and going home is NOT an option” and yet for the last couple of weeks I’ve wondered if “going home” wasn’t the right choice for me. That maybe this was the wrong time (as if there is ever a right time).
Yesterday I sat down with my friend Leanne whose been graciously holding my hand through this whole process (and by holding my hand I mean she laid out my training plan, set me in motion to cross the finish line and is pretty much keeping me sane). I told her my trepidation about maybe this endeavor was a little more than I could handle.
“Do you believe in yourself?”
(no)
“Do you trust me?”
(yes)
“Then trust that I know better and you can do this”
So I’m trying hard to let go of the notion that this is “too much”. I’m holding onto the proof that I’ve never not been able to do something I set out to accomplish. I’m returning to the memories of what it was like to train for my marathons last year and how painfully hard it was emotionally and physically leading up to race day. In the midst of panic I’m taking a few deep breaths to keep calm and carry on.
This morning I set out on my long training day. After my pep talk with Leanne I’ve decided to focus on bricking the bike/run portions of training for a bit. It doesn’t help to be angsty about the transition from riding to running if I don’t even give myself a chance to experience the physical/emotional turmoil of doing both together. I wanted (needed) to do this Olympic distance bike/run. It’s not anything close to what Half Iron man will require me to do but I remember how spent I was when I crossed the finish line of my Olympic Triathlon so I figured it I can at least get through that this morning then maybe I’m going to be okay after all.
Instead of thinking about the running after 24 miles I just focused on when to eat and drink. That’s another thing I’m lacking experience in: when to fuel. I focused on how my legs felt and kept telling myself that I know how to run and soon enough I’ll be back to doing what I’m pretty darn good at. As I got closer to hopping off of Peppermint and heading out on foot I talked myself down. I wasn’t going far. 3 miles out then back for a total of 6. The initial run felt sluggish as it always does during this transition and it was good practice for me to just.keep.going. It wasn’t the physical act of bricking that I needed today. It was the emotional act of bricking that I needed. I needed to know that when it was done and over I could in fact keep going. Yes, I’m tired and in need of a nap but I feel good physically. In fact I was running at my normal pace even after biking for 90 minutes as a 15 mph clip (which for me is pretty fast).
I’m not saying that now I’m all beating my chest like Tarzan claiming I’m ready for Mont Tremblant and that 70.3. In fact I’m not even sure what I’m saying with this post today. I needed to get out there and emotionally practice my bricking and tonight when I lay my head down and wonder if this is the right path for me at least I know I’m not quite ready to go home…
All too often we listen to the doubts of ourselves and never really push past those doubts. We think we can’t lose weight. We think we’ll never be able be as physically active as we want. We think we’re destined to sit on the sidelines while everyone else pass us in a blur of “see I’ll never do what they do”. I’m so freaking scared of this Half Ironman and in that fear I let the feeling of doubt wash over me not really understanding that my emotional strength is as important (if not more) as my physical strength. Sometimes you need people in your life to tell you to stop listening to what you think is the truth and listen to the actual truth:
You Can.
You Will.
We Believe In You.
You can. You will and I most wholeheartedly believe in you. Always.
I’m proud of you for making a plan and getting out there today to set it all into motion. Even when you feel like you’re struggling I see you pushing forward towards your goal. I can’t imagine stepping up to the starting lines you’ve seen and the physical and emotional challenges you’ve moved through to finish. Just like all the ones before, you will start this one and you’ll finish it. I know it. And just like so many before, I can’t wait to be there at the finish line.
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Shannon at I Survived and Now I Run
Rock on with your bad self!! It’s always those emotional hurdles that stifle us…I can stretch out a cramp, its a lot harder to run through something in my head be it anxiety or fear. Keep pushing!
Before my husband ran his first marathon, a runner friend told him, “Above all else, respect the distance.”
The 6 weeks leading up to any event are intense, physically and emotionally. Your training is peaking and your nerves are jumping PLUS you’ve just started working, which is a whole other wrench in the machine (and physically tiring to be on your feet all day!)
Sometimes, a best practice can be inviting that fear in, pouring yourself a cup of tea, and looking at it, face to face. Evaluate your training thus far. Lay out what you still want to accomplish between now and race day. Look from where you’ve come, what you’ve accomplished.
Know also, that *if* something happens, and you don’t end up achieving your goal, that you are not defined by what you don’t do. You are defined by the love and courage and fire that burns inside of your heart. THAT is what’s important, not a 70.3 sticker on your car. Know that this whole training program has been a process in learning and growing and strength and a true labour of love. Know that goals are important, and sometimes it takes more than one try to achieve what you want. Let go of the pressure you’re placing on yourself. Take a deep breath, train as best as you are able until your race day. Give every workout all you can. And take five minutes everyday to do some deep breathing with your eyes closed.
Respect the distance, and have faith that your body is strong, your training was effective, and that at some point during the race, earning that 70.3 medal will come down to one thing and one thing alone: Your raw determination. And friend? That is something that you do not lack in the least.