Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck….just in case you’re wondering how I’m feeling.

fuckity fuck fuckI’m gonna try and put some thoughts down that are both CHAOTIC in nature and having to deal with both weight shit and gender shit. Since I have two (quiet) blogs, one about weight loss shit and one about gender shit I don’t want to repeat myself so for today everything I’m thinking goes under one post called from here on out FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!

First and foremost let me start this blog post by saying: I had an amazing 28 days on the road. I’ve seen more in the last month than most people will see in a lifetime. Twenty-two states and close to 7000 miles means we spent a butt load of time in the car driving like mad people to go from destination A: Halifax to destination B: Vancouver. We saw long time friends much missed, watched sunsets and sunrises, listen to honky tonk in the east, watched hot air balloons in the middle and found ourselves in the middle of Japantown in the West. It also means we ate out for those 28 days. A lot of “OMG we may never be here again so lets order this (insert whatever food only in that ONE place)”.

I know a lot of people are going to say “But Carver,  you were out there living and enjoying your time on the road”. True. But it came at a price….

Hold up, let me back up a little bit before I get to the “at a price” thing. All 10 of you know that because we made the big move from Nova Scotia to British Columbia we had to save money and that meant ending our membership at Crossfit Ironstone a few months before we left. So there has been no movement except the more than occasional “LET’S GO HATCH A POKEMON EGG” walk. There are a million excuses I could give but the meat of the matter is I didn’t move. I didn’t try to run. I didn’t try to lift a kettlebell at home. I didn’t even try some hippy yoga that I just can’t get into no matter how many times I try. I am not about to make excuses, because they’re pointless.

Also I’ve been on testosterone for 3 months now and there’s a lot of information out there that does of course mention fat distribution (hello beer belly) so since I’m not jumping on a scale anytime soon I’m going to let that distribution also be a factor but again the meat of this is that there hasn’t been enough movement…

I take full responsibility for that.

Let me say that again: I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY.

Taking responsibility is important. I think people want to make excuses to lessen the blow of our decisions. I did enjoy myself while on the road. I did eat those “we may never see this again” foods (damn you voodoo donuts while in Portland before realizing I was going to be back in Portland sooner rather than later). But not being able to button up a button down that fit the day before you put the keys in the ignition and started the cross country zoom zoom is just plain ridiculous.

RIDICULOUS.

So I’ve got a lot of thinking to do. I need to get off the pity pot that I’ve comfortably sat myself down upon and figure some shit out. Food shit. Movement shit. WTF am I doing shit. I’ve got to humble myself and if anything just make some good decisions in the right direction. I need my 5 years ago self to knock some sense in to today’s self with that “small decisions lead to big decisions which lead to life changing decisions”.

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stay tuned.

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