is this blog still on?
It’s hard to believe that it’s been 3+ weeks since I spent anytime here on the blog. In fact it’s been over three weeks since I even opened my laptop and spent a significant amount of time surfing the web, checking Facebook, keeping up with my Tweetdeck or just checked in with the “outside” world. Of course having my phone with me meant that I wasn’t completely unplugged during the three weeks I spent hanging out with Meegan in Digby for a conference, flying back home to see family, friends and to pick up Dusty (and all the goodies packed inside her) and then over the last thirteen days driving the 3400 miles back to Halifax and finally recuperating in my own home but it was far less than what I’m used too. There’s so much to do now that we’ve moved what few things I had packed away in Dusty (and are now chaotically strewed around our apartment) that I feel more than overwhelmed…
I feel bogged down.
I don’t know where to start.
I feel like even the smallest attempt in getting back into some sort of routine is taking too much energy. Being in the car for 10 days driving for hours and hours has left my body sore and all I want to do the last few days is sleep (but that too is leaving me sore and having back pain from laying down too much). Being away from my kitchen and at the mercy of friends and roadside restaurants has left me with <insert random TMI warning here> weight gain, joint inflammation and the inability to poop on a regular basis. Don’t get me wrong, Meegan and I had a great time watching the road pass underneath the tires of Dusty as we stopped to see her friends and roadside attractions (including but not limited to the world’s largest moose, teepee, baseball, Canadian nickel, Canadian goose and a muskie that goes by the name of Husky) but let’s face it: I’m a homebody and I need to have my routine.
It’s the getting back into routine that’s seems to be the hard part. While my body doesn’t physically crave the multitude of carbs I’ve eaten over the last three weeks, my brain screams to fill my pie hole with…well pie I suppose. While my brain doesn’t crave the endless hours of watching the first season of Modern Family my body does because it just grew accustom to sitting for hours and hours only to get up for bathroom breaks, gas tank fills and the short burst of walking done when there happened to be a few extra hours in one of the stopping places on our road trip. We tried to make the best choices we could while heading home. We did not make one fast food stop while on the road (unless you count walking the mile round trip to Dairy Queen for a much “needed” blizzard). We stocked up the best we could with water, veggies, salami, cheese and snacks from our Healthy Surpise travel box (review coming later) and all in all I’m really pleased with how well we kept to our plan and the amount of moving we were able to get in while traveling.
I am spending too much time looking at the big picture of what needs to get done instead of looking at the smaller things I can do to start the ball rolling. I feel like I should stop eating all together to combat the weight gain. I feel like I should just stop running because the four mile run I did a few days ago left me too sore and how in the world could I possibly think about doing another marathon in three months (as well as the ultra I’m thinking about doing). I feel like I should just leave the boxes unpacked and stacked in the living room because the mess that it’s created is too hard to clean up.
Big picture = big stress.
I’m going to spend the next couple of days breaking everything down into manageable (and achievable) goals. Everything from what I eat to what I clean up to what I run. I know I just need to give myself time to let the “toxins” of food, lack of exercise and fear that what I’ve done (food wise) can’t be undone work itself out of my system. Instead of seeing an entire apartment that needs to be cleaned and reorganized I will just see a room (and if the room is too much I will just see a corner of the room). Instead of seeing the marathon looming in front of me I will just see the miles that I have planned for the week (and if the week is too much just the day). Instead of seeing all the symptoms of cravings, headaches and detoxing I need my body to do I will just see a day at a time (and if the day is too much just a meal at a time).
Little picture = little stress.
While it’s not starting from day one (because I’ve been doing this Life Changing Journey for over a thousand days), it is a slow down and an acknowledgement that it’s not always easy to just get up and do. It’s a deep breath, a step forward. A pat on the back for the small things that are tackled and a high five for knowing that from where I came…
Is where I refuse to go again.