It’s three weeks until the Bluenose Marathon.
This last weekend should have been the epic 23 mile run. It didn’t happen. Neither did the 21 mile run scheduled the week before. Six weeks before the marathon I happen to catch the “bug” that had been going around. Luckily I wasn’t as sick as it seems most people had been but it still robbed me of any energy and since then a myriad of “obstacles” has been knocking on my door. Okay maybe not a myriad but when you’re looking down the last few weeks of doing your first marathon anything in the way can seem big…
I ran my saucony(s) into the ground, literally. I knew I was going to need a new pair of shoes so began my search a while back settling on a pair of Kinvara Progrid 2 and giving myself plenty of time to break them in…
These were the shoes I had picked out, fallen in love with and anticipated with bated breath for their arrival. Except the first place I ordered them from took three weeks to tell me that they couldn’t order them. So I turned to Amazon and when they should have arrived on the 25th, called to find out that they actually never left the warehouse and ended up cancelling the order out of frustration. Funny how a pair of shoes can be so emotional for me. I thought about how I would look in them. What running clothes I would wear to match. If other people would look at them and think “Damn now that’s a fine pair of running shoes”. In the end (and after many many tears) I realized that maybe the universe was telling me something and set out in search of another pair…
Just so happen a few days later a local sports store was having a clearance sale and I went in hopes of finding something. Rows and rows of shoes for me to oogle over. Trying on a pair, running around, trying on another pair. I finally zoned in on a pair of Saucony Grid Dynasty II. Half off (BOOM) and pretty comfy thus far.
So between the shoes, the sick then “Girl” stuff and to top it off an infected toenail, there hasn’t been a whole lot of running happening the last couple of weeks.
But all seems to finally be coming back around to feeling good and now I’m just looking forward to the morning of the race, stepping up to the starting line, taking a deep breath and just earning that first marathon medal.
It’s hard to not get all caught up in the emotional turmoil even when the littlest thing goes wrong. If you had asked me a few days ago I would have told you that running this marathon is going to be next to impossible. I was never going to find a pair of shoes I loved (or liked for that matter), my girl stuff was going to last the next six months (like that’s ever happened) and my toenail was going to turn into some raging infection that would eventually claim not just my toe but probably my foot and fuck it why not take my calf as well…I know it’s just my emotional irrationality playing head games with me but I’m at a point right now where this marathon is feeling Big…B-I-G!
In the time that I should be tapering I’m going to try and get in one more long run. If I can just get to 20 miles then I know all will be okay. I don’t care if I have to walk half of those miles. I need a 20 mile run under my belt in order to feel really good about what is taking place in three weeks. Three weeks!!! Hard to know what I’m looking forward too the most. Fighting my hardest to cross over the finish line of my first 26.2 or waking up the day after knowing I had done what I’ve worked so hard over the last few months to accomplish? Finishing my first marathon so that I can look ahead to my second (registered) and possibly third (not yet registered) marathon? Crossing the finish line so that I can finally take the much needed break and get ready to head back to Tacoma, to see my family and friends for a week with Red and then beginning our drive back across Canada with not only my much missed Dusty but with Peppermint Patty and the rest of my stuff?
The littlest thing are throwing me off course but I fight to stay on the path that I was meant to be on. I know it’s just head games playing with me (Hello Emotionally Fat Tara) but if I have to cry the entire time I’m running in order to cross that finish line then baby had me some tissue because I won’t give up until that medal is in my hand and I’ve earned the right to wear my shirt. It’s hard right now, both physically (and mostly mentally/emotionally) but I continue to remember the fact that I’m running on a regular basis the equivalent of half marathons almost every weekend…it wasn’t that long ago my first half marathon seemed the hardest thing I’d ever done.
The point of this blog today?
Life is going to get in the way.
What you do with what is happening around you is how we learn to fight and survive. Maybe my challenges seem minuscule to what is going on in your world but we are all facing challenges that feel like we’re getting no where fast. Physical challenges. Emotional challenges. Food choices. Day to day choices. It doesn’t matter. If you feel like they are a challenge then they are. Acknowledge them. Acknowledge the feelings that come with those challenges. Don’t just bottle up and hope they go away. Tell someone or blog about it. Let it go to the universe (or baby jesus or unicorns or whatever you believe in). Maybe my shoes, or my head cold or my toe problems don’t seem like a big deal to what you’re dealing with but to me they were monumental…
Until they weren’t.
Now it’s back to getting my head back in the game. Back to spending a few hours on the streets running as much of the marathon route I can get my hands (and feet) on before I need to seriously cut back and prepare for this race. Back to getting caught up in the emotions of what it’s going to feel like when I cross over that finish line. Back to visualizing the crowds (and hopefully some good old cowbell), the runners all trying to accomplish something amazing and back to wondering what it’s going to be like to call myself a marathoner because baby…
That’s Life!
In the midst of all of the sneaker drama, illness and sore toes we have had some fun. I’m learning that life gets to be what we focus on. If we focus on the struggle and how damn hard it is, that’s the feeling that we drag around with us BUT if we focus on the fun and how through all of the challenges you’ve had thrown your way you are STILL on the way to making your dream come true than we can dance our way to the finish line.
Right now its all about spirit, its getting your mind on board and telling yourself you have got this – because I know damn well you do.
I am so excited to be there cheering for you at the finish line screaming your name.
#LAWN
That’s exactly what I needed to hear today. There has been so much shit in my life recently that I’ve had trouble just wading through it. Now, I’m starting to think about moving forward again, and what that is going to look like.
I’ve already decided I’m investing in a new pair of running shoes for my birthday at the end of the month, a gift to myself, to remind myself of how good it feels to do something good for my body and my soul.
And my boss and I were talking today about training for a 5k again.
I can’t wait to hit the trails!
Yeah, so pretty much everything you write inspires me, but especially when you talk about running.
I love you, Tara. Thanks for being you, and for letting it all hang out there for us to see and learn from.
When you’re facing a new challenge, no matter what it is, it always seems like there’s just a load of CRAP that gets dumped on you right at the end. The hard part is pushing through it and realizing that the crap is never as bad as it seems.