Hitting the (proverbial) nail on the (proverbial) head…

Yesterday I read a blog post by someone I have a lot of respect for.

and by a lot I mean a shit ton.

“The World Won’t Celebrate You if You don’t Celebrate Yourself”

It was in reading the first few paragraphs, that I felt my throat begin to close up and my chest started feeling heavy. That feeling of “oh crap, this post is really going to affect me” settled in and I let the tears well up as I forced myself to keep reading…

Even now trying to put words to what I’m thinking and feeling about Mara’s post is difficult. I’ve typed a few words then found a way to distract myself with some other social media because <insert another social media distraction>…

(deep breath)

Here’s the thing, I’m really freaking proud of myself, but it is fascinating what triggers our most tender parts. Fascinating how you can want to be acknowledged for something that you’re proud of, but you don’t want to be reminded of it. Or told out loud that we are appreciated.” (directly taken from Mara’s post)…

Right before I fall asleep and I’m in that foggy “am I dreaming or am I still awake” zone I often think about how I want my life to be. I won’t lie, I have some big big B-I-G dreams. Being recognized on any given sidewalk type of B-I-G dreams. Sitting across from Ellen, holding up a book that not only brings me the comforts I often think about but also motivates a million people to stop letting life pass them by type of B-I-G dreams…

The only problem is that when I receive a little bit of acknowledgment of what I have accomplished (and bringing me closer to those B-I-G dreams) I shut down (i.e. I down play anything I’ve ever done, shake my head or shrug off any accolades and on most occasions return the accolades with a “oh it’s not a big deal” sort of thing). It’s inherent that I refute the celebration of my life and what I have done to not only survive but more importantly to thrive.

<insert social media distraction>

I was in the paper this week but didn’t really talk about it too much. The only reason I mentioned it on facebook was because Meegan had said something already on her page and I didn’t want it too seem like I didn’t care. I do care. In fact, I wanted to stop anyone I saw that day and say “hey, did you see me in the paper…yhea I’ve lost 100+ pounds, kept it off for 18 months and am about to run my first marathon…I’m kind of a big deal”

I am a big deal.

It’s just I can’t bring myself to outwardly celebrate what I’ve done to get here today.

Then it got me thinking about all the other people I know that have fought tooth and nail, cried and screamed, stood firm in their commitment to take control of their lives but also don’t take the time to celebrate what they’ve done. When we are severely obese it acts as a shield for all the mental anguish that we’ve endured for so long. Each insult, each disappointment, each <insert whatever you want here> is either shielded on inside of us with layers of fat so that others can’t see our emotions as we are feeling them or shielded on the outside of our layers of fat so that the emotions we are afraid to feel can’t penetrate us.

For so long we’ve been pointed fingers at ourselves with thoughts of “I don’t deserve to feel good about myself” (open mouth, insert food), “I shouldn’t take too much pride in what I can do” (open mouth, insert food), “I’m ugly” (open mouth, insert food), “So and so has lost more weight than I and what’s the point anyway since I can’t do anything right and the weight is just going to come back” (open mouth, insert food, feel sorry for self and begin the vicious cycle over and over again).

Here’s a little challenge for you (and me):

Let’s celebrate!

Instead of writing a blog post about what you (I) think you (I) can’t do let’s write about some things we can do and have done. Screw this pity party of “I don’t deserve” and let’s write a post about throwing our hands up in the air in a rocky-like triumph and as loud as possible shout to the blogging world “HEY, LOOK AT ME…I’M KIND OF A BIG DEAL”…

Because you are (I am).

Let’s talk about the B-I-G dreams and how no one deserves them more than you (me). Let’s blog about all the sweat and tears you’ve (I’ve) left behind as you (I) dig deep and change the life changing journey you are (I am) on. It’s going to be hard (I know there will be a lot of wine drinking and social media distraction happening for me when I write that post) but for fuck’s sake if I can’t give myself the opportunity to listen to what the universe is telling me about where I should be going on this path then how is Ellen ever going to know what kind of a kick ass person I am and how will that book ever get written…

The next time I write a blog post it will be nothing but a celebration of Tara…

(insert social media distraction)

What I’ve done.

What I want.

Deserve.

I’m kind of a big deal and it’s time I start believing it.

12 comments to Hitting the (proverbial) nail on the (proverbial) head…

  • Yes..you are a big deal! we all are but on the same note…inside we are just people like everyone else and perhaps that is the piece that holds us back…feeling that nothing special…no different…but yet that uniqueness of being similar needs to be celebrated…that’s perhaps why it is such a driving force to want to share and help others that struggle to get past the triggers..

    that is the celebration

    no matter where we are in the journey!

    xoxo

  • Rachel

    Super awesome. Can’t wait for the “Hi I’m Tara the Badass!” post!

  • This is SO F’ING HARD for me to do – especially right now. I see myself sliding farther and farther back but I’m trying to dig myself out. I’ve been asked to write a post about coming back from injury – but I’m not coming back yet & I’m not coping well, so I haven’t wanted to write it. It would probably be quite cathartic and help me heal in other ways, but I’m not there yet.

    I did swim 1/2 a mile this week, which I would never have even considered attempting if I wasn’t hurt. So I guess that’s something.

  • Damn right you are a big deal! And this is one very very fine (not to mention terrifying but totally do-able) proposal.

    I heart Mara BIG TIME and she has gotten a very wonderful ball rolling for both of us. (now why is it that I can celebrate her amazingness and your amazingness and its so damn hard to celebrate my own? WTF!!!)

    On to the wine drinking and celebratory blog writing please… xo

  • You ARE a BIG DEAL!! And SO AM I! I can’t WAIT to see you next post…

    I have allowed myself to go back down that negative road and it’s only now that I am seeing it through different eyes…and part of it has been because I’ve been negative about other people and then I got negative about me, and then others, and then me…spiral!

    By the way, I saw this on another friend’s FB page. She’s about to run her first marathon this weekend: “0.1% of the population has ever run a marathon. Getting excited to join that club.”

  • Kim

    You ARE a HUGE deal!!! And I am so freaking happy that you see that!!! Best wishes for all of those B-I-G dreams to come true!!!

  • I love the internets can make me cry.

    I need to write one these, HEY, LOOK AT ME…I’M KIND OF A BIG DEAL posts.

    Thank you. Thank you for saying it this way. Today especially this is oh so timely in my world.

    You are a big deal. I am a big deal. Let’s celebrate!

  • Yes, you ARE a big deal! I know how you feel – I too have lost over 100 pounds, and this week my story was published too – and honestly, as much as it makes me a little uncomfortable, I’m proud too, and so have started showing anyone who will listen my little piece of the book. Be proud! Tell everyone – you never know who you may inspire with your story.

  • Colleen

    Love this post. I agree you are a huge fuckin deal 🙂
    I cannot wait to read the celebration of Tara post 🙂

  • Awesome article in the newspaper! I remember the first time I met you on your blog and you have come such a long way. You are running 26.2 miles tara! THAT IS AMAZING!

  • […] Hitting the (proverbial) nail on the (proverbial) head… » Right…so that “celebration” post….ummmmm There won’t be some […]

  • This post makes me think of my all time favorite Marianne Williamson quote:

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

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