The first deep breath of 2014.
Many people out there in the blogging world will be sitting down and looking back over the year. Talking about the good (with hopefully little focus on the bad and the outright ugly). We’ll write about love found (and possible lost), little one’s being born into the world (and those that passed). We’ll write about experiences had (and those we wished we had). We’ll write about the movements forward (and the inevitable not so forward movements). We’ll reminisce on what WAS as we begin to turn towards what IS.
Before beginning this post I took that slow deep breath knowing that I too have spent the last few days thinking about all that WAS 2013 as I turn towards all that IS for 2014. There is something refreshing (though refreshing doesn’t seem a powerful enough word) about going to sleep on the last day of the old year and waking up on the first day of the new year. A feeling of “oh this year is going to be different” overwhelms our being. We brush off the dust that has been collecting on our spirits and proclaim “BRING IT” with such ferocity that we just KNOW this is OUR year!
Blog posts about the “word for the coming year” are popping up all over the place. In fact, my most beautiful Red took the plunge and wrote about her word for the year (and if you haven’t read it, stop here and take a few minutes…I’ll still be here when you’re done).
As the final days of 2013 came and went I started wondering what my word for 2014 should be. You can’t just arbitrarily pick a word. It has to come to you. Like a whisper in your ear. So faint you can barely hear it the first time. Then again it comes to you a little louder and you wonder if that’s the word for you. You find yourself doing something mindless and there it is again, even louder, seeping into everything that is you. Until YES (!), you decide this is the word that will define my 2014.
I took that deep breath before typing in the first word of this blog post. I rested my fingers over the keyboard. The word in my mind. Waiting to be released. And yet, I find it hard to share. Not because I don’t think it’s MY word but because it is MY word. Like a keepsake that you cherish, you’re afraid to share in case someone breaks it. I”m not afraid you’ll break my word for 2014. I’m afraid I’ll break my word.
I’m afraid, because the layers of complexity that are entangled between the letters that come together and form what should be a simple word. I’m afraid because it’s it’s not just about “I’ll run more” or “I’ll make better food choices”. It’s more about looking deep within those complex layers and uncovering those things that scare me. Those things that move me. Those things that define who I am and loving myself (and those around me) so intensely that I’m not afraid to (baby) step forward into the great unknown.
Releasing my word means I am giving myself permission.
Freedom to explore and define my own gender.
Freedom to return to Crossfit.
Freedom to run.
Freedom to love my job.
Freedom to believe I am important to those near and far.
Freedom to communicate my needs/thoughts in ways that work best for me.
Freedom to, as Mimi says, Slow.The.Eff.Down and listen to my heart when it says “I need”…
Freedom from my demons that try to convince me I am nothing, when in fact I am everything.
Freedom from debt.
Freedom from body shame.
Freedom to turn away from what WAS.
Freedom to turn towards what IS.
I took that long deep breath before laying my hands across the keyboard because my word is BIG stuff for the coming year. All of the actions behind that word might seem small to anyone peeking in on my itty bitty corner of LIFE but for me each and every (small) step is actually a big leap forward.
I woke up this morning, the very first of 2014 just as the darkness of night was turning to the light of day. I looked at Mimi and in that very moment, I knew without a doubt that the next 12 months are going to be something short of amazing for us. We’ve spent that last days of 2013 unzipping the burdens of what WAS and enveloping ourselves in what IS. Her determination is my inspiration and funny thing: my determination is her inspiration…
And in us all things are possible.
As you begin to ponder you own possibilities for 2014 let me leave you with the following. The very first thing I read for 2014 was a text message from a dear friend back home:
Her wish for me.
Is my wish for you.
Happy New Year.