Throw the damn glass at it!!!
This post is long in coming, but has taken forever to actually leave my brain, travel down my fingers onto the keyboard and make it to this blog. I’m still at a loss for words over what has transpired over the last week or so but I also can’t just not at least try to make some sense of what can now be described only as a true wrench in my life.
Without going into too much detail, I have been relieved of my position as a video relay interpreter for Sorenson communications as of last week Wednesday. To say I’m a little shook up by the entire situation would be a severe under estimate. I’ve been with the company for almost three years to the date and I walked out of there on Wednesday feeling like nothing more than a five digit number (my interpreter number used to identify myself) that had no value to the company except to process as many calls as possible so that the upper echelon of the company could reap the benefits of my work.
I’m trying my best to stay in the moment and to use the tools I’ve learned in the last six months to keep myself grounded in today and not go off into “oh my god, what am I going to do next week, next month” mode. It’s not easy. In fact it’s downright craptastically difficult. I’m trying to refrain from disconnecting my cable, turning off my internet and asking for my money back on all the training sessions I’ve purchased. I’m trying to refrain from selling everything in my house that isn’t nailed down. I’m trying to keep my thoughts right here in front of me and remember that this is not the end of the world.
It easy to feel like it is.
To know me, is to know that everything that used to define me was wrapped up in my work. My work made me a worthwhile person. Work made me a social person. It made me feel important. It kept chaos at bay. Work was what kept me sane. Over the course of the last six months I’ve come to understand that work not only DOES NOT define me as a person, it also cannot make my life any less complicated. My life is complicated because I allow it to be that way. So the only way to combat that is to not let it get that way. Sounds easy enough…
I’ve taken the steps to file for unemployment. I’ve continued to go to the gym everyday this week (and now that there is extra time staying for longer). I saw Coach Chuck on Friday and it was pure awesomeness. I’m reminding myself that there is some money saved up for a few months of house payments and come the end of September I’ll go back to work at the local community colleges in this area. I’m thinking about the paths I want to take in the near future and how I’m going to make sure those paths are successful while I travel on them. I’m thinking about leaving the profession of being an interpreter all together. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I was in elementary school and it’s what I’ve enjoyed doing the last 10 years of my life. I’m looking to get more personal with people now. I’m not sure what that means but I want to experience the change in people that I’ve experienced over that last six months. I have something inside that needs to connect with people that feel there is no chance to live a different lifestyle. The change in me is the change possible in anyone. I want to be a part of that change, that solution, that feeling of “So this is what it means to live life”.
My husband has been extremely supportive through out this whole “holy hell I just got fired” feeling. He drove me back down to work to collect some of my things (most of which I just left behind), my food (cause you know I’m not leaving no Trader Joe’s food behind) and has been a constant ray of light reminding me that all is not lost. If unemployment comes through I should be okay for the summer time. If not, then we’ll figure out what to do at that point. I have some 401k that I can plug into if need be. I’m just going to relax over the next couple of weeks, pick up some sub work here and there, and live life the best way that I know how…
Digging Deep and then Digging Deeper!!!
- I will not allow myself to get depressed. There is nothing to be depressed over. This is just a situation, this is not the end of the world.
- I will not use food to make me feel better. Food is fuel. Food is not my therapist. Food is part of the solution. It is not part of the problem any longer.
- I will not allow the old sabotaging tapes to play inside my head. I will not look in the mirror and think negative thoughts about myself. I will not look at my body and tell myself I’m ugly or fat because I am neither of these things. In fact I am 60 pounds lighter today than I was six months ago and I actually enjoy looking at myself.
- I will continue to get out of bed and I will continue to move forward.
- I will go to the gym everyday for at least an hour. Breaking a sweat will be a priority over the next couple of weeks. This is the most important journey of my life and it will not take a back seat for anything.
- I will continue to see a trainer twice a week. I have 25 sessions paid for so there is no need for me to do anything but use them. Coach Chuck said he can give me at least two weeks of sessions as well before a decision has to be made about whether or not to switch over. This will put me at the end of September at which time I will re-evaluate whether to continue with trainer.
- I will register for my triathlon and I will continue to train. My husband forbade me to even have one miniscule thought about not participating in the September triathlon. That’s why I keep him around!!!
- I will continue to run. In fact I will be able to participate in the July 17th 10k run here on Vashon Island. I registered and then found out I had a work related workshop that I was required to attend. No work = not required. Things are looking better already!
Life will continue to move forward. It’s only been a few days and over the course of those days I’ve felt a plethora of emotions. I’ve cried and laughed. I’ve shouted and stomped my feet like a three year old. I’ve also danced around my living room, excited over the possibilities…
Life isn’t over.
It’s just different.
Watch for that glass cause I’m giving it a good throw at life!