As someone that has spent the last three years and 422 posts putting words to emotions / ideas / feelings / experiences I’ve become quite adapt at the concept of blogging. It’s as if each blog post is a seed and sitting down at my laptop is the growing process. Each time I sat down to talk about all the things I ended with something beautiful. A “flower”. One grown out of love, tears, sadness, confusion, elation, patience and maybe the most important thing: Understanding.
In the beginning I grew that garden like a wildfire. I couldn’t wait to sit down and analyze the next “step” in my life. Weight loss, divorce, transgenderism, marriage, body image, body transformation. You name it I probably have a space in my garden analyzing that shit. As time went on my life became much less complicated. I lost the weight. I survived the divorce. I began to understand my own transgenderism and combined with the weight loss, my body transformed. Tara on the outside became more congruent with the Tara on the inside, body acceptance (or at least a much more improved version than previous) fell right into place.
My blog was (and still is) a sense of peace for me. It helps me to slow down and think about my words. My life. The progression of where I was to where I am to where I hope to go. I sit at this laptop and pour my LIFE here because I know that somewhere out there is someone who thinks the way I used to think. That weight loss is NOT possible. That making life changes is NOT possible. That putting oneself first is NOT possible. I also sit at this laptop and pour my LIFE here because I know that somewhere out there is someone who thinks that by losing the weight, the world will finally be a happier place. That once you get down to a size 8 all your problems will magically disappear. That the shedding of the XXL clothes will somehow erase all the problems that got you into that XXL in the first place.
I have purposefully chosen not to “pimp” myself out to larger companies in an “oooooh pick me, pick me, pleeeeeease pick me as your ambassador” kind of way because I didn’t want every blog post (facebook status, twitter update) to be filled with links back to said company in hopes that you’ll click click
boom buy said products using my secret link back code or what the fuck ever. The words I say, the pictures I post, the struggles I feel and the accomplishments made are on my own two feet. On my own tears. On my own doubts. On my own “I don’t know if this is possible but fuck it here we go people”. I don’t want to sugar coat this journey in the least bit.
But well worth the fight everyday.
I want people to know (and understand) that not every one is going to step on to this path and become some crazy ass runner that PR’s every race. Not everyone is going to run an Ultra marathon every weekend or get on the cover of a magazine. Not everyone is going to end up on Oprah or sell a million books. Not everyone is going to get 20,000 likes on a Facebook page or get 1000 thumbs up on some random status update about practically nothing.
Some of us are just going to continue to run the miles that are needed to cleanse the soul. Some of us are going to push some serious physical boundaries but do it in a way that makes it possible for others to see that they too can move their bodies. Some of us are going to step back in the shadows of this blogging community and let the havoc of pimping someone else’s product happen elsewhere. Some of us are going to PR at living L.I.F.E (loving ourselves, being involved with ourselves, having faith in ourselves and evolving ourselves into the people we deserve to be).
Listen, weight loss IS possible. It comes with a lot of hard work and set backs. Acceptance of oneself IS possible. It comes with a lot of hard work and set backs. Life IS possible. It comes with a lot of hard work and set backs. The end of the proverbial rainbow may or may not be filled with a bunch of “I just ran a 6 minute mile” or “Nike is sending me another pair of shoes to giveaway”. That’s not the norm. The norm is knowing that some days you’re going to feel like you are kicking the ever loving ass out of this journey and some days you’re going to feel like the journey is stomping you right into the ground. The norm is knowing that sometimes you’re going to go into a situation thinking you are totally in control only to come out of the situation having lost absolute control, taking a deep breath of “well that sucked” and moving on to the best of your ability. The norm is knowing that there are going to be days filled with singing birds, beautiful sunshine and a garden full of “I CAN”(s) and knowing that some days are going to be filled with cacophony of violent noises, gloomy dark clouds and a garden being choked out by “I CAN’T”(s).
As the blog posts here become fewer (and fewer) in between I don’t want people to lose sight of the fact that in us all things are possible. That we deserve to stand up and take control of our lives. To make choices and decisions that move us forward instead of standing on the sidelines wondering “when is it going to be my turn?”.
That turn is right here.
What are you waiting for?